Thief
by Soumyee
Summary: Ranma is trapped among thieves... Can he learn to live amongst them?


_**Disclaimer: **__All characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi… Sigh, there goes my dream…_

* * *

_**Thief**_

He was surrounded by thieves.

No doubt about it. They were there, everywhere, no matter where he looked. And there was no escape, he knew. For even though he knew very well _where_ they were, and _how_ they stole, he could never evade them. They hounded him at all times. Day or night, male or female, dry or wet, they never left him in peace. Heck, he thought wryly, they stole his peace as well!! And at the end of it all, they would blame _him_ for stealing _their _peace.

And to think, they were all his family and friends!! "Couldja go anymore pathetic?" He said wryly. His 'near-and-dear-ones' were _all_ thieves.

"Stupid Pops!" he muttered heatedly. "Half o' this is _his_ fault!" Heck, in fact, the old man _was_ one of them. "Stupid thieving pops!" Stealing from his own son, without any shame. Years of nights spent hungry under the stars, while his father snoozed on a full stomach, caused him to clench his fists. "And then he goes and steals my manhood, dunkin' me inta that cursed spring. What the _hell_ was he thinking? Oh yeah, right, stupid old man never thinks. Has no _brains_ ta think." And as if that wasn't enough, he went and stole his _choice_!! "Engagin' me ta that uncute tomboy. Not even askin' me before. And makin' that _stupid_ promise ta Ucchan's dad! He even stole the yattai from _them_!" There was absolutely no doubt, his father was a downright thief.

And what about Ucchan? It wasn't like she was any better. Using his honour against him and stealing his best friend away. "Can't she see that she's my best friend? That by tryin' ta be the cute fiancée, she's stealin' that friend from me?" He remembered the incident with the sauce, when she'd tried to use his weakness against women's tears to coax him into marrying her. "Ucchan…" He had thought of her as a boy. It had been a shock enough to know she was a girl. And now, she was stealing all those precious childhood memories by acting like this, so unlike his little best friend… Trying to grab him somehow, anyhow. All she wanted was for him to marry her and run the restaurant with her. "I'm a martial artist, dammit!" And she wanted to steal his Art.

His Art. His passion. His absolution. It afforded him refuge. From his daily chaos of fiancées, rivals and crazy fathers. From his fears and insecurities. Whatever else he may be good or bad at; when it came to the Art, he was the best!! It allowed him liberty to express himself. To assert himself. To be wild. To be FREE!

Yes, his freedom. Shampoo was trying to steal _that_, aided by Cologne, of course. Through potions and magic, they were trying to snag him and drag him back to China. To that _stupid _village where he would be a second-class _male_. Unimportant. Doing housework probably, while his 'beloved' Shampoo would be out training. He'd be just a strong-baby-maker. Shampoo's slave. "And there's _no way in HELL_ I'm gonna be anyone's _slave_! I'M FREE!!" He grinned, feeling the surge of passion flowing through his veins, hearing his pulse pounding away like mad in his ears. "I'm free!" The Amazons had no _chance_ in hell of winning. He was gonna show all three of them that you don't mess with Saotome Ranma.

Not that _Mousse _was really trying to enslave him. Kill him, more like. Yeah, right, the poor blind martial artist was trying to steal his life. All the while proclaiming loudly that _Ranma_ was trying to steal his love from him! "Feh." Ranma snorted. _When_ was the poor sap gonna realize that all it took was for him to grow some guts and challenge Shampoo to a duel and beat her. "He's prolly never gonna learn." Ranma sighed, shaking his head.

Another one out for his blood was that cursed pig-boy. In fact, Ranma didn't know which one was worse, Ryoga or Nabiki. He gave it some thought, and shuddered. "Nabiki, definitely Nabiki."

There wasn't really much he could say about her that wasn't already being said. Master blackmailer, spy and bookie. Ice Queen of Furinkan High. She stole with her sharper-than-razor cunning. He could never hope to outsmart _her_ in her own game. She stole with her brazenness. There was _no_ way in hell that she wouldn't know the rumors that flew about her in school, or how much ill-will people bore towards her. Yet, she didn't seem to care. In fact, she reveled in it. She loved to be the 'Rogue'. _And_ she loved his girl-form. "Duh, how can I forget _that_? That's, like, her _grrreatest_ love." Taking secret photos of his girl-form – some even semi-nude – to sell them to all the boys in Furinkan, had to be her biggest source of income. He'd seen some of those photos… He knew what she was doing. She was stealing his pride, his dignity. His eyes blazed in fury and his knuckles cracked. If only she'd been a boy… BUT, she was not. She was a girl. He could never hit her.

And she loved that as well.

Ranma sighed. There was no point in getting pissed off about that. She was probably doing it for the family, so it was okay, maybe. He _was_ a freeloader, after all. So she was sucking her rent in a different way. _Still_, he couldn't help thinking, if only she would just limit herself to betting on his daily world war and not – for _heaven's sake_, NOT! – sell "Pig-tailed Girl" photos to Kuno…

He shook his head. Kuno. Now _there_ was a joke. He _could_ say that the bokken-waving fool was trying to steal his life, like Mousse, but then, that would be the overstatement of the century. "Like that idiot could ever kill _me_!" Though to give him some credit, the buffoon did manage to steal his patience with all that Shakespeare-spouting. "If he keeps it up, I jus' might lose _all_ patience an' kill _him_!" Ranma crossed his arms, feeling mightily annoyed.

And his sister? A violent shudder wreaked through his frame at the thought of sweet li'l Kodachi. Don't even _go_ there. He started chanting warding prayers, to keep away the evil. "Dontcha think about her laugh, dontcha think about her laugh, _dontcha think about her laugh_!" It didn't work. "ARRGGHHH! Gotta keep my sanity safe, gotta keep my sanity intact, GOTTA KEEP MY SANITY OUTTA HER HANDS!!…" Heck, it would really be a blessing to kill _both_ Kunos, he thought.

And did a double-take. Make that all _three _Kunos. That sneaky scissor-wielding, hair-stealing, grade-sheet-stealing, pineapple-headed principal!

Ranma seethed in frustration. Facing the Gods above, he let out a roar, "WHY THE _HELL_ ARE THERE KUNOS IN THE WORLD?! _WHY_?"

The Gods, it seemed, did not consider this question valid enough to deserve an answer. And so the world continued to retain all its Kunos, regardless of his disapproval. Slowly, the anger drained out of him, deflating him into pensiveness, and he moved on to the _next_ thief to poison his life.

Happosai. Okay, that one was easy. Panty. Bra. Yadda, yadda… What else did you expect?

And that left the lost boy. Honestly, could anybody be more moronic? Who in their sane mind would ever follow their rival across the seas to _China_ over a silly _bread-feud_? Only Ryoga could be so damn mule-headed. And the nerve of him, sucking up to Akane like that! "Ahahahaha Akane-san! Here, I brought you some gifts!" Ranma mimicked him, fuming. _And _sneaking into bed with her like that. That P-Brain had stolen his word of honour to keep silent!! "Ryoga no Bakayarou!" Abusing Akane's trust like that! Ranma had a good mind to splash the stinking pig with hot water in front of Akane. "Stickin' _my_ neck out in danger like that! When Akane finds out, she's gonna pound me ta pulp!"

'But that's not all, is it?' A small voice in his head asked him. 'That's not all o' the reason why ya wanna splash Ryoga, is it?'

"Eh? 'Course it is! What else could there be?"

'Maybe, coz he's tryin' ta steal your fiancée?'

"That macho chick?! Why should I care?"

'Hmm… so what about Akane?'

"What _about_ her?"

'Isn't she a thief as well?'

"'Course she is! She's a macho uncute tomboy who can't even kick properly an' calls herself a martial artist! HA! She steals ALL my peace and well-being _single-handedly_! She steals with her mallet! She _steals_ with her cooking! She STEALS with her jealousy!! She _STEALS_ with her habit of jumpin' ta conclusions!! She STEALS an' SHE STEALS!! SHE'S THE WORST OF THEM!!"

"Ranma? Is something wrong? What are you screaming about?" A quiet voice broke into his monologue.

Damn! Slowly, rigidly, Ranma turned, his heart thudding in fear at what his eyes might see. There, in the doorway to his room, stood the worst thief of all. Akane.

Ranma laughed nervously. "Hehe… Umm… Hiya Akane! Um, uh, nothin'! Nothin' at all! Everythin's jus' dandy!! Ehehehe…" He sweat-dropped.

"Um, okay, if you say so." She eyed him curiously. "Say, did you finish your essay that Hinako-sensei gave us?"

And that, naturally, brought to mind his specially-imported-to-deal-with-delinquents teacher, Miss Hinako. The undefeatable Miss Hinako. Not only did she regularly steal everyone's chi, she even went so far as to try and steal Akane's father! Ranma well remembered the time when the chi-vampire had come to stay at the dojo and had fallen in love with Soun Tendo. And when he had caught her in his room trying to drain him, she'd let everyone think that _he_ was the one to blame. Poor Soun would have pledged to marry her out of honour that day, had she not turned to child-form and run away. Honestly, lying like that to steal! Is that called love?! That manipulating witch!! Unconsciously, his jaw tightened.

"Ranma?" Akane asked, confused, when he didn't reply.

Ranma snapped out of his thoughts. "Huh?"

"The essay. You _do _remember about it, don't you? Have you finished it?"

"Um, no. I was jus' thinkin' about what ta write. Hehe… Um, whattabout ya?"

"I've finished the rough draft." She paused and looked at him. "You know, Ranma, when I started, I felt like there's not much to write. 'My Family and my Friends' – it seemed like a really boring topic. I mean, what can you write? I have a father, two sisters and two houseguests? But then, you know…" Her gaze shifted from him, and to the stars beyond the lone window in his room. "I remembered my mom. I remembered the fun we all had, together. Sure, Nabiki would pull pranks on me and Kasumi would scold us both for fighting. It was never smooth. But still it was fun. Just to be together, even when fighting. That's what is love.

"Even now, that's what we all are doing. Everyday, we all fight and argue and try our best to kill each other. But when it counts, we're all together. You, me, Nabiki, Kasumi, Otousan, Saotome no Ojisan, Happosai, Ryoga, Ukyou, the Amazons, the Kunos, we're all together. Aren't we?"

Ranma looked at her in wonder. She was still gazing at the stars, a peaceful look on her face. Her pale skin glowed in the dim light of the hallway.

'Akane…'

As though she had somehow heard his unspoken call, she looked away from the window and at him. "Well, I'll just go and finish the essay. Goodnight Ranma."

"Goodnight, Akane."

She turned to go, and paused. Looking back over her shoulder, she said, "If you need help with the essay, Ranma, you can ask me." And with a smile, she left.

Ranma turned from the doorway and looked at his blank essay sheet. Hmm… What would he write? My family and friends are all thieves, and the biggest thief of all is Akane. She steals the strength from my knees, the sense from my mind, the beat from my heart. She steals with her eyes. She steals with her smile. She steals with every silky blue-black strand of hair that lifts in the passing breeze. I tried to defend, I tried to protect. And all for nothing. She has stolen me, body and soul. She's stolen my love?

No, _that _would definitely put him in really BIG trouble. Not to mention that it also sounded ridiculously poetic. And a man-amongst-men did NOT write sappy poems.

Shaking his head, he gathered his pencil and the sheet, and walked out the door, grinning goofily. "Yo Akane, couldja help me with my essay?"

* * *

_**Author's note: **__Hi guys!! I hope you all liked it. It was originally meant to be a fully waffy piece, and even the title was meant to be something else, but hey… that's Fate, I guess. So here's a retrospective piece with a different title… Maybe I'll write another fic too, with the original title, sometime later._

_Please read and review!! _

_And a Happy New Year to you all!!_

_**Author's note (2nd revision): **__Hi everyone! Because of a wonderful review, I went through this again and revised it. I've added some more prominent Ranma ½ characters, and fixed some grammatical and punctuation errors as well. Please tell me how you like it!!_


End file.
